Selfish

I need to find peace within myself

before I can expect to find peace with another.

A cluttered mind, confused and disoriented.

Walking through life blindly with clouded judgment.

A child at heart, naive and easily heart-broken.

First to love, quick to forget, last to leave,

and one to never give up until I have what I want.

I’m so god damn selfish.

In The Palm of Your Hand

You have me in the palm of your hand.

You have me in the palm of your hand.

You have me in the palm of your hand.

You have me in the palm of your hand.

Don’t drop me please.

Destiny Is Molded By Experiance

You’re walking through the night during a violent storm,

Faced with freezing cold rain, hail, and hurricane strength winds.

With each step you become weaker as if your legs are about to give,

Tears cover your beautiful face. I can see the fear in your eyes.

I can tell your questioning the path you’re walking,

Every inch is second guessing, not knowing if you can continue.

But please listen to me! Do not turn back, do not run.

Stand tall I keep progressing through the storm!

The sun is rising just ahead of you with it’s warm glow welcoming,

A promise of a new day and a stronger you!

A new person molded from pain, hurt, and suffering,

Destined to succeed and rise above the bad memory’s.

Destined to recreate yourself the way you wish.

Destined to live your life for you and no one else.

Destined to understand your part in this existence.

Destined to one day truly smile and be happy.

Truly Haunted

Thinking of experiences as “in the past” is such strange concept to grasp,

when vivid memory's can have such a vast and deep impact on our routine lives.

The thought of something or someone can influence our every move

and if something similar to a spectre existed it's a haunting image in our head.

Just leave me the fuck alone.

Change Has Changed Nothing

I’m twenty two, still unsure of myself

Still unsure of a purpose or reason

Who I am, what I want, what I need

This teenaged angst has lasted long enough

Emotions flood every sense and perception

Reminded by my past, haunted by the present

And tormented by the future ahead of me

Waiting and taunting through the unknown

I can’t see myself five years from now

Four years, three years, two, one

Six months, two months, four weeks, two

Only tomorrow appears blurry and out of focus

Once again in my life it’s time for change

It’s time to re-invent myself from the ground up

Smash the mirrors until I’m ready to look upon myself

Because at this moment I’m so...

Obsession

Love? Lust? I simply generalize and designate it obsession
Of course not recognized and of course completely unrequited
To you I exist yet I am so insignificant, so worthless
Which I think is worse since I can touch you but never hold

I will never know the taste of your lips against mine
I will never hear your voice so fragile while you rest in my embrace
I will never see your smile reserved strictly for behind closed doors
I will never share my life with you the way my heart craves

So close my imagination need not wonder far

You're so open my shame is nearly non-existent
And like any lover it is covered by my need to read you like a book

And I have

I know your flaws, I know your perfections
Your faults, your success, your scars, and that which has hurt you the most

I know of your lies, your truths, your past, your present
And I pray for a future with me forever by your side

But a dream is just that, a dream
For however real as I sleep, never is it so when I wake

Therefor I have begun to indulge myself gradually in false reality
From pure ecstasy with you below and a most unsatisfactory realization of mirage
To spending most moments in a very embarrassing daydream
That I find harder to let go of with each occurrence

I discover this obsession to be increasingly unhealthy
Self-loathing, embarrassment, hate, love, need, rejection, and more so than all of that...confusion

Am I living a lie by living with obsession?
Is this obsession causing me to lie to others?
Yes. No. I haven't the slightest clue.

All I know is this obsession, love or lust.
Is causing me to see your face in everything around me

Food is bland. The world is grey. My body is numb.
And the longer I live with this and without you
The more I wither. The more I die.
The more I lose touch with reality in favor of a lie.

Time

Time is a gift, truly it is precious
And we waste so god damn much of it.
When we should cherish every second,
Squeezing every moment as if it's our last.

Break from routine, escape the normal
And embrace something entirely new
Something foreign, something unusual
As if it were fate, destined to be.

But never regret the end result.
Never look at the past with disgrace.
Never utter the words “what if”.
And above all...

Never forget.