If I Go To Hell

If I go to hell would you defy God his soul?

Your an angel and I'm sinner who can't atone.

I've made so many mistakes, I met you to late,

And I fear an eternity separated awaits.

God And All Which He Has Made

Imagine a place God rules instead of man,

I have found it and all it’s beauty.

Imagine where being humble is virtue,

I have found it and all it’s honesty.

Imagine a home where passion is king,

I have found it and all it’s transparency.

Imagine that forever seems short,

I have found her and all her perfection.

There's A Storm Outside

As the rain battered the glass window

he laid in the bed he made.

Twilight approached and his worries fade.

Thunder rattled the sky and eased his mind.

He was safe from all that was outside

As the rain battered the glass window.

Tired and exhausted he fell to the mattress.

His mess surrounded him in a beautiful clusterfuck, as

he laid in the bed he made.

“No more caring.” he thought as his eyelids dropped.

“This will be the start of new chapter.” when

Twilight approached and his worries fade.

1,000 Lives

He has a childlike mind, naive heart, and timid, insecure nature.

Nearly passive and so fragile he’s basically screaming to be broken.

He has a cold soul, callus hands, and logical, strategic thoughts.

Unapologetic with no shame, careless, he cannot be tore down.

He’s lived a thousand lives and has killed himself each time.

Only to be reborn different, not stronger or weak, just different. 

He’s refuses to balance, he soaks in the environment and adapts.

Becomes what is required, not who he is and now he’s forgot his own name.

Who is he? Who am I?

What does he want? What do I want?

I Hate My Job

No space to breathe,
Three walls closing in.
Computer screen, no window.
Light bulbs, no sun.

I'm not meant to spend my time like this.

Dreams Are Rationed

I circle around the block in search of understanding and truth

Instead all that I find is abandonment and lost children

A bulk of lies and fraud with bright dreams and false hopes

Rationed opportunities and souls plagues by the hunger for more

Hungry

I am human. No more, no less.

So how can I be held lower than others

Or how can I be held higher than others?

With no God, who can judge me except myself?

Influenced by what most would call greed,

But isn’t it possible that I call it ambition?

Determination with a will that cannot be broken?

And motivated by my failures and persecution?

Hungry and I have yet to be satisfied.

Falling

One hand grasped to cherished memories

Another holding onto unrealistic dreams

I’m falling with no way to brace the impact

I’m falling, unwilling to let go and help myself

Chase The High

Chase the high, grasping toward freedom

Begging to forget, praying for ignorance

Stand still just to know you won’t face your past

Only letting the past catch up to you

Selfish

I need to find peace within myself

before I can expect to find peace with another.

A cluttered mind, confused and disoriented.

Walking through life blindly with clouded judgment.

A child at heart, naive and easily heart-broken.

First to love, quick to forget, last to leave,

and one to never give up until I have what I want.

I’m so god damn selfish.

In The Palm of Your Hand

You have me in the palm of your hand.

You have me in the palm of your hand.

You have me in the palm of your hand.

You have me in the palm of your hand.

Don’t drop me please.

Truly Haunted

Thinking of experiences as “in the past” is such strange concept to grasp,

when vivid memory's can have such a vast and deep impact on our routine lives.

The thought of something or someone can influence our every move

and if something similar to a spectre existed it's a haunting image in our head.

Just leave me the fuck alone.

Change Has Changed Nothing

I’m twenty two, still unsure of myself

Still unsure of a purpose or reason

Who I am, what I want, what I need

This teenaged angst has lasted long enough

Emotions flood every sense and perception

Reminded by my past, haunted by the present

And tormented by the future ahead of me

Waiting and taunting through the unknown

I can’t see myself five years from now

Four years, three years, two, one

Six months, two months, four weeks, two

Only tomorrow appears blurry and out of focus

Once again in my life it’s time for change

It’s time to re-invent myself from the ground up

Smash the mirrors until I’m ready to look upon myself

Because at this moment I’m so...

Obsession

Love? Lust? I simply generalize and designate it obsession
Of course not recognized and of course completely unrequited
To you I exist yet I am so insignificant, so worthless
Which I think is worse since I can touch you but never hold

I will never know the taste of your lips against mine
I will never hear your voice so fragile while you rest in my embrace
I will never see your smile reserved strictly for behind closed doors
I will never share my life with you the way my heart craves

So close my imagination need not wonder far

You're so open my shame is nearly non-existent
And like any lover it is covered by my need to read you like a book

And I have

I know your flaws, I know your perfections
Your faults, your success, your scars, and that which has hurt you the most

I know of your lies, your truths, your past, your present
And I pray for a future with me forever by your side

But a dream is just that, a dream
For however real as I sleep, never is it so when I wake

Therefor I have begun to indulge myself gradually in false reality
From pure ecstasy with you below and a most unsatisfactory realization of mirage
To spending most moments in a very embarrassing daydream
That I find harder to let go of with each occurrence

I discover this obsession to be increasingly unhealthy
Self-loathing, embarrassment, hate, love, need, rejection, and more so than all of that...confusion

Am I living a lie by living with obsession?
Is this obsession causing me to lie to others?
Yes. No. I haven't the slightest clue.

All I know is this obsession, love or lust.
Is causing me to see your face in everything around me

Food is bland. The world is grey. My body is numb.
And the longer I live with this and without you
The more I wither. The more I die.
The more I lose touch with reality in favor of a lie.

Time

Time is a gift, truly it is precious
And we waste so god damn much of it.
When we should cherish every second,
Squeezing every moment as if it's our last.

Break from routine, escape the normal
And embrace something entirely new
Something foreign, something unusual
As if it were fate, destined to be.

But never regret the end result.
Never look at the past with disgrace.
Never utter the words “what if”.
And above all...

Never forget.

Love Eternally

With all my heart I wish this moment would never come to a close

As a smile darts across your face and you begin to laugh

When everything ceases and all I see is you radiating gloriously

Glowing beautifully, blinding me from the distractions presented

With all my heart I pray each day I am able to be with you

Even for a fleeting moment to sustain my need. No! My addiction!

The constant craving where I cannot seem to remove you from my mind

And nothing else matter's, only you and your memory which cannot suffice

Love instantly. Love perfectly. Love ever-lasting.

Never Forgotten

When a beautiful soul is quickly ripped from this plane of existence
We can do nothing but weep, pray, mourn, and hope we are being looked down upon
Belief that beyond our rudimentary universe there is a gorgeous creation
In which our loved ones who have passed away can live again on the far side of our earthly concern

We trust that any suffering they seasoned while among us is relieved from them
And more so they are again in company of their beloved who were taken away
We desire them to once again be youthful and full of energy, forever young
Able to enjoy whatever brought a smile to their face while living beside us

I refuse to accept a reality in which everything is created so haphazardly and random
For I see and can realize the stunning beauty that surrounds me in all directions
And of course the horror of watching someone so cherished ripped from my grasp
So suddenly that I curse the heavens in spite and anger...and beyond that confusion

But soon enough my chaotic emotions dwindle to acceptance and the aforementioned hope
Hope and remembrance of the joy they brought us whenever in their presence
The honoring of the life they lived, their accomplishments and triumphs
And never forgetting the simple fact that even though physically they're not here

They will always stand beside us in spirit as long as our love stays always true

Nightlife

Remove the krylon top, I live in the night facing down bare walls
Brick and concrete, they transform into canvas before my eyes
Trucks, trains, and signs; you can even find me in bathroom stalls

I move in silence blending in under the moonlight above
Traversing city street’s and alleys with my bag in hand
Sketchbook and spray cans, this is what you call love

My name has no meaning, I’m known under my alias
I spread through whispers and hushed tones of admiration
Respect and accusation even beyond my hometown radius

I am a graffiti artist, an underground modern day knight
Persecuted by politicians and painted over on sight
But as one is censored two more will appear with light

Because while the world sleeps I will be painting every night

Building True Love

He held her in a tight, warm embrace
His arms clasp around her lovingly
And she could hear his heart beating
(For only her)

Their love was true, strong, and everlasting
Weathering the most devastating storms
And holding against the most turbulent waves
That would break any normal fragile relationship

But what they had was not fragile or frail
They had built their hearts together
Inch by inch, brick by brick
On a solid foundation

They created something so beautiful to last
Something constructed with a long-term vision
A future planned out where they could grow old
And age together and die together with the same love

But of course there are still faults and mistakes
And instead of continuing with only hopes
They add, tear down, and rebuild…fortify
Vowing that nothing will break what they cherish

And to this day their love is stronger
Their love is more complete than ever before
Their love is pure and true
And their love seems closer to forever

Love is random but true love is not by chance
True love is sculpted with care and compassion
It is learning from mistakes and moving forward
True love is built hand in hand and shared with each other

True love is making something to last beyond tomorrow

Mountains

I can see a treacherous mountain laid before me
I stand engulfed in it’s daunting shadow
Overwhelmed, ill-equipped, and fearing the climb
A climb among many easier paths, yet a climb I must make

This trek promises an inescapable obsession
It will haunt me in my sleep, it will haunt me in my wake
It will build me, break me, and leave me to bring myself upright
It will be unforgiving, merciless, cruel and cold-hearted

O! this path presents itself as an impossible feat
As if God has chosen my fate to be of defeat and failure
But no I say, rest assured I will take the prize which rests at it’s peak
To then descend stronger, accomplished, and victorious

As if I had bested the future given to me unwillingly

With unshakable wisdom I will best each and every test created to stump me
With unwavering courage I will rise above all which towers against me
With unfaltering passion I will break through any wall built before me
With unbelievable might I will beat down those who wish to oppose me

I will not look back
I will not second doubt
I will not slow down
I will not give up

I begin to walk