Obsession

Love? Lust? I simply generalize and designate it obsession
Of course not recognized and of course completely unrequited
To you I exist yet I am so insignificant, so worthless
Which I think is worse since I can touch you but never hold

I will never know the taste of your lips against mine
I will never hear your voice so fragile while you rest in my embrace
I will never see your smile reserved strictly for behind closed doors
I will never share my life with you the way my heart craves

So close my imagination need not wonder far

You're so open my shame is nearly non-existent
And like any lover it is covered by my need to read you like a book

And I have

I know your flaws, I know your perfections
Your faults, your success, your scars, and that which has hurt you the most

I know of your lies, your truths, your past, your present
And I pray for a future with me forever by your side

But a dream is just that, a dream
For however real as I sleep, never is it so when I wake

Therefor I have begun to indulge myself gradually in false reality
From pure ecstasy with you below and a most unsatisfactory realization of mirage
To spending most moments in a very embarrassing daydream
That I find harder to let go of with each occurrence

I discover this obsession to be increasingly unhealthy
Self-loathing, embarrassment, hate, love, need, rejection, and more so than all of that...confusion

Am I living a lie by living with obsession?
Is this obsession causing me to lie to others?
Yes. No. I haven't the slightest clue.

All I know is this obsession, love or lust.
Is causing me to see your face in everything around me

Food is bland. The world is grey. My body is numb.
And the longer I live with this and without you
The more I wither. The more I die.
The more I lose touch with reality in favor of a lie.